What it is, how it affects families, what the law says, and how ANCHOR can help — with honesty, nuance, and always with your child's wellbeing at the center.
Before we discuss parental alienation — what it looks like, how courts address it, and where the law is heading — we want to be clear about the principle that guides everything ANCHOR does.
The best interests of the child are paramount — always, in every case, without exception. ANCHOR exists to help fathers strengthen their relationships with their children, not to "win" against the other parent.
We believe children thrive when they have healthy, loving relationships with both parents. We respect and honor the role of mothers. Effective fatherhood is not a competition — it is a collaboration, even when that collaboration is difficult.
We help fathers focus on what they can control: being present, being safe, being consistent, and being the best parent they can be. Turning attention away from grievance and toward the child is often the most powerful thing a father can do — both for his case and for his family.
We recognize that alienating behaviors can be committed by any parent, of any gender, and that both mothers and fathers can be targets. Our focus on fathers reflects the community we serve, not a belief that this is a gendered problem with a single direction.
With that foundation, let's look at what parental alienation is and how it manifests in real families.
Parental alienation occurs when one parent engages in a pattern of behavior that systematically undermines a child's relationship with the other parent — without legitimate justification. Over time, these behaviors can lead the child to reject, fear, or feel hostility toward the targeted parent, even when that parent has done nothing to warrant such feelings.
It is important to distinguish alienation from estrangement. A child may have legitimate reasons — based on their own direct experience — for not wanting to spend time with a parent. Fear grounded in actual abuse, neglect, or harmful behavior is not alienation; it is a child's healthy protective response. The difference matters enormously, both for the child's safety and for how courts should respond.
Alienation, by contrast, involves the deliberate or persistent distortion of a child's perception of the other parent by an outside influence — typically the other parent, but sometimes extended family members or other adults in the child's life.
Consistently speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child — disparaging their character, blaming them for problems, or exaggerating their faults.
Blocking phone calls, intercepting messages, creating obstacles to visitation, or making exchanges unnecessarily difficult or confrontational.
Contradicting or overruling the other parent's decisions, encouraging the child to disobey rules, or treating the other parent's household as inferior.
Fabricating or exaggerating stories about the other parent's behavior, sometimes including false allegations of abuse, neglect, or abandonment.
Using guilt, fear, or bribery to influence the child's feelings. Making the child feel they must choose sides, or that loving the other parent is a betrayal.
Excluding the other parent from school events, medical decisions, or milestones. Encouraging the child to call a stepparent "mom" or "dad" instead.
Children affected by alienating behavior may show a pattern of sudden, intense rejection of the targeted parent that seems disproportionate to any actual experience. They may repeat the alienating parent's language almost verbatim, express black-and-white views of each parent (one "all good," the other "all bad"), display no guilt about their hostility, or recount events they couldn't have witnessed as though they experienced them firsthand.
These patterns can be heart-wrenching for the targeted parent — and deeply damaging to the child. Research consistently shows that children caught in alienation dynamics are at elevated risk for anxiety, depression, difficulties with trust, and long-term relationship problems.
An important caution
Not every difficult co-parenting situation involves alienation, and not every child's resistance to a parent is the result of manipulation. Normal developmental behavior, especially in adolescents, can look like rejection. The stress of divorce and family conflict can cause children to act out in ways that resemble alienation but stem from different causes. And sometimes a child's fear or reluctance is a legitimate response to a parent's behavior.
This is why documentation, professional evaluation, and honest self-reflection matter so much. ANCHOR helps fathers distinguish between these situations — not to diagnose, but to respond appropriately and always in the child's best interest.
Parental alienation is one of the most contested concepts in family law. ANCHOR believes fathers are best served by understanding the full landscape — including the legitimate criticisms — rather than hearing only one side.
There is substantial clinical and empirical evidence that some parents do engage in systematic behaviors that damage a child's relationship with the other parent. The harmful effects on children are well-documented across developmental psychology literature. Courts in all fifty states have, at various times, recognized alienating behaviors as relevant to custody determinations. The American Psychological Association has identified parental alienation as a form of child psychological maltreatment.
At the same time, serious and credible concerns have been raised about how alienation claims function in practice — concerns that any responsible organization must take seriously:
Research led by Professor Joan Meier at George Washington University Law School, analyzing over 4,000 custody cases, found that when mothers allege abuse and fathers respond by claiming alienation, courts are significantly more likely to disbelieve the mother's abuse claims. In some analyses, mothers who reported child sexual abuse and faced alienation counter-claims lost custody in a disproportionate number of cases. This pattern raises profound questions about whether alienation claims — whatever their intent — can function as a tool to suppress legitimate abuse allegations.
Kayden's Law, enacted federally in 2022 as part of the Violence Against Women Act, was a direct legislative response to cases where children were harmed or killed after courts granted custody to abusive parents — sometimes influenced by alienation claims that discredited the protective parent's concerns. Colorado, Pennsylvania, and Utah have passed comprehensive state versions; California, Tennessee, and Maryland have enacted partial measures.
In New York, Kyra's Law (S7425) was introduced in 2021 to restrict the admissibility of "non-scientifically valid" theories including parental alienation in custody proceedings involving abuse allegations, and to require specialized training for judges in domestic violence dynamics.
ANCHOR's position
We hold two truths simultaneously, because both are real:
Parental alienation happens. Fathers experience it, and it causes profound harm to them and to their children. These fathers deserve recognition, support, and legal remedy.
Alienation claims can be misused. They can be weaponized — sometimes deliberately, sometimes through systemic bias — to discredit legitimate concerns about abuse and to remove children from safe parents. This is also devastating, and disproportionately affects mothers.
A father who truly has his child's best interest at heart does not need to dismiss one truth in order to advocate for the other. Protecting children from alienation and protecting children from abuse are not opposing goals — they are the same goal.
What both sides of this debate too often overlook is a deeper, systemic problem: the Family Court process itself. When custody cases stretch on for years without full hearings on the substance of claims — when temporary and permanent custody decisions go unmade, when petitions languish on dockets — the court system doesn't just fail to resolve conflict. It actively enables harm. A parent engaging in alienation benefits from every month of delay. A parent falsely accused suffers under prolonged uncertainty. And the child — always the child — bears the cost of a system that moves too slowly to protect them.
ANCHOR believes the path forward is not more political polemic from either direction. It is skillful, unbiased, case-by-case assessment paired with a thorough but timely process. Children cannot wait years for justice. Neither can their parents.
And where the system fails — where delay compounds harm, where bias goes unchallenged, where a father's bond with his child is being severed while paperwork sits on a desk — ANCHOR will be relentless. We bring honesty, nuance, and respect for all parties. We also bring tenacity, urgency, and an absolute refusal to let a family fall through the cracks of an overwhelmed system. These are not contradictions. They are the qualities any child deserves in the people fighting for their wellbeing.
Understanding where the law stands — and where it's heading — is essential for any father navigating these issues. The terrain is evolving rapidly.
No state has enacted a standalone statute specifically defining or criminalizing parental alienation. However, alienating behaviors are addressed through existing family law mechanisms, primarily the "best interests of the child" standard that guides all custody determinations. Courts can and do consider alienating behavior as a factor in custody decisions, and legal remedies are available.
Custody modification: A parent may petition to modify an existing custody order based on evidence that the other parent's alienating behavior constitutes a material change in circumstances affecting the child's wellbeing.
Court-ordered therapy: Judges may order individual therapy for the child, family therapy, or reunification therapy aimed at repairing the damaged parent-child relationship.
Contempt of court: If a parent violates specific provisions of a custody or visitation order — including denying court-ordered visitation — the targeted parent can file a contempt petition.
Forensic evaluation: Courts may appoint forensic psychologists, Guardians ad Litem (GAL), or other court-appointed professionals to evaluate the family dynamics and make recommendations.
Enacted as part of the Violence Against Women Act reauthorization. Incentivizes states to enact measures that prioritize children's safety in custody disputes, require judicial training on domestic violence and child abuse dynamics, and scrutinize the use of reunification treatments that lack scientific validation. Named after Kayden Mancuso, a seven-year-old killed by her father during court-ordered unsupervised visitation. States that have enacted comprehensive versions: Colorado, Utah, Pennsylvania.
Would create specific factors for courts to consider regarding children's health and safety in custody proceedings, restrict admissibility of theories lacking scientific validation (including parental alienation syndrome), prohibit separating a child from their primary attachment figure solely to improve a relationship with the other parent, and require specialized judicial training. The bill reflects growing concern that unvalidated psychological theories are influencing custody outcomes in ways that may endanger children.
Proposes a statewide uniform system for resolving custody and parenting disputes, emphasizing mediation and non-adversarial approaches. Recognizes that adversarial litigation tends to further alienate parents and children from each other, is more costly, and does not encourage cooperation. Would assign a single judge to all aspects of a custody dispute and establish planning conferences at initial court appearances.
Takes a different approach from Kayden's Law: proposes defining parental alienation as psychological child abuse and mandating court recognition of its impact on custody. Reflects the advocacy perspective that courts need stronger tools to identify and address alienation — in contrast to legislation that seeks to limit alienation claims. Hearing scheduled in June 2025.
These two legislative directions — one seeking to expand recognition of alienation, the other seeking to limit its use as a courtroom strategy — represent the central tension in family law reform today. ANCHOR monitors both, because fathers benefit from understanding the full picture.
Much of the alienation debate — on both sides — focuses on what courts should consider and what theories should be admissible. These are important questions. But they obscure a more fundamental problem that harms every family in the system, regardless of which side of the debate they fall on: the Family Court process takes far too long.
In New York City, contested custody cases routinely stretch over months and years. Hearings are scheduled weeks or months apart. Evidence is presented piecemeal across scattered court dates. Temporary custody arrangements — made without full examination of the facts — harden into the status quo long before any final determination is made. In many cases, no formal custody decision of record exists for extended periods, leaving families in a limbo that serves no one's interests, least of all the child's.
This delay is not a neutral force. It is a mechanism that actively compounds harm:
Every month without a hearing is another month of unchecked interference. The alienating parent's narrative deepens its hold on the child. The targeted parent's relationship erodes further. By the time the court finally adjudicates, the damage may be far more severe — and far harder to reverse — than it would have been with timely intervention. Delay rewards the alienating parent and punishes the child.
Delay leaves children in potentially dangerous situations while the system sorts out competing claims. A protective parent waiting years for a full hearing lives in limbo — unable to secure the legal protection their child needs, watching the system fail to act with the urgency the situation demands.
A parent falsely accused of abuse or alienation may spend years under a cloud of suspicion, with restricted access to their child, while the court slowly works its way toward a hearing that could clear them. The presumption of innocence means little when the process itself imposes years of effective punishment before any determination is made.
Children grow up during these delays. A two-year-old at the time of filing may be starting kindergarten before the case is resolved. A ten-year-old may be entering adolescence. The developmental windows for forming and maintaining secure parental attachments do not wait for court calendars. Time lost in a child's life cannot be recovered by any ruling, however just.
ANCHOR believes that the most urgent reform needed in Family Court is not about which psychological theories should be admissible. It is about building a system capable of skillful, unbiased, case-by-case assessment delivered within a timeframe that actually serves children. Specifically, we advocate for:
Mandatory timelines for custody hearings, with accountability mechanisms when courts fail to meet them. Contested custody cases involving allegations of alienation or abuse should receive expedited scheduling, not be pushed to the back of overcrowded dockets.
Requirements that courts issue formal temporary custody orders — with written findings — early in proceedings, rather than allowing informal or default arrangements to persist indefinitely without judicial scrutiny. Every family in the system deserves to know where they stand.
Judicial training not only in domestic violence dynamics and child development, but in the specific skills needed to assess alienation claims, distinguish alienation from estrangement, identify false allegations from any direction, and make difficult determinations under uncertainty — because waiting for perfect information means waiting too long.
A court culture that approaches each case on its own facts, with rigorous professional evaluation, rather than defaulting to ideological positions about alienation — either dismissing all claims reflexively or crediting them uncritically. Every case is a family. Every family deserves individual attention.
If you believe your child is being alienated from you, the most important thing you can do is respond in ways that protect your child and strengthen your position — not in ways driven by anger at the other parent. Here is what ANCHOR advises.
Keep a detailed, factual log of missed or interfered-with visitations, changes in your child's behavior, and any communications that demonstrate alienating conduct. Dates, times, and specific observations — not interpretations or accusations.
Show up for every visitation. Attend every school event. Call when you say you will. Consistency demonstrates commitment — to your child and to the court. Do not give up contact, even when it feels futile.
Do not speak negatively about the other parent in front of your child. Do not use your child as a messenger. Do not interrogate them about the other household. Your child needs you to be the stable, safe parent — not another source of conflict.
When you are with your child, be fully with your child. Build positive memories. Listen to them. Let them know they are loved unconditionally. The strongest antidote to alienation is a genuine, warm, present relationship.
A therapist — for you, and potentially for your child — can help navigate the emotional toll and provide professional observations. ANCHOR's counseling services and encounter groups offer community support from fathers who understand.
If documentation shows a pattern of alienating behavior, consult with a family law attorney about filing for custody modification or contempt. ANCHOR's legal support team can help you prepare and connect you with attorneys experienced in these cases.
Many fathers come to ANCHOR focused on what the other parent is doing wrong. That anger is understandable — and often justified. But we have seen, again and again, that the fathers who make the greatest progress — in court and in their children's lives — are the ones who shift their focus from the other parent's behavior to their own relationship with their child.
This is not about excusing alienating behavior. It is not about being passive. It is about recognizing that you cannot control what happens in the other household — but you have enormous power over who you are when your child is with you. That is where healing begins.
And while you do that hard internal work, ANCHOR will be doing the external work — pushing the court for timely hearings, preparing your documentation, connecting you with the right legal support, and making sure the system does not forget that your child has a father who is present, committed, and not going anywhere.
We do not send fathers into court unprepared. We help fathers understand their legal options, build meticulous documentation, navigate the court system strategically, and connect with family law attorneys experienced in alienation cases. We provide hands-on guidance on what courts look for, how to present evidence effectively, and how to work productively with Guardians ad Litem and forensic evaluators. When the system stalls, we help fathers push — filing motions, demanding hearings, insisting on decisions of record. We know how the process works, and we know how to hold it accountable.
Alienation is isolating. Many fathers believe they are the only ones experiencing it — and that isolation makes them easier to defeat. Our facilitated groups break that isolation. Fathers share experiences, develop strategies, and hold each other accountable to the child-centered approach that wins in court and in life. These groups are not gripe sessions about ex-partners — they are working spaces where fathers sharpen each other, build collective knowledge, and find the resolve to keep going when the process grinds them down.
Courts respond to fathers who demonstrate investment in their own growth — and children respond to fathers who show up with skill, patience, and presence. Our parenting workshops strengthen practical abilities and help fathers understand child development, age-appropriate communication, and how to make the most of limited parenting time. Every hour with your child is an opportunity. We help you make it count.
The emotions that custody conflict produces — rage, grief, helplessness, betrayal — are real and valid. They are also, unmanaged, the fastest way to lose your case and damage your relationship with your child. Our evidence-based programs give fathers tools for emotional regulation that serve them in the courtroom, in exchanges with the other parent, and in the moments that matter most: the ones with their children. Staying grounded under pressure is not weakness. It is the hardest kind of strength, and it is the kind that wins.
ANCHOR does not limit its work to individual cases. We are building a movement for systemic change — raising public awareness of parental alienation as a child welfare issue, advocating for legislative reform that demands timely adjudication and skilled assessment, and holding the Family Court system accountable to the families it is supposed to serve. We engage with lawmakers, the media, and the broader public not with polemic but with evidence, lived experience, and an unwavering insistence that children and their families deserve better than what this system currently provides.